Grief is a strange thing, ever changing and surprising when it catches up to you. I can remember saying to Stan that our lives would never be the same after losing his dad and knowing that was true...but I didn't exactly know what that would look like.
God's hand in this season of our life is unmistakable, yet, I find it hard to hear His voice when I am clouding my mind with my own thoughts and worries. Lord, let me live into your truths, your promises and your comfort.
Along with the above, my kids are also changing and challenging me in new ways daily. Landon is now 4 and has truly started to really grow up in many ways. He has also really started back talking which has been another parenting curve ball for Stan and I. We are getting a handle on it, but it is sure a hard way to start a day with your precious son.
Connor is totally a toddler now. I cannot believe it. He is throwing temper tantrums and really asserting his independence. I am grateful for these milestones, totally normal developmentally. But, boy are they a change from my sweet baby boy. It is easier with Connor, for many reasons- to just let him get his tantrum out, move on and get him distracted. There is a lot to be said for experience as a parent.
I am constantly thinking and rethinking my decision to work. I truly feel it is a calling in my life which I thoroughly enjoy. I also see God working in my work on a very regular basis. I love what I do and I am so grateful to be able to work part time. I love my colleagues. I love my patients. It is just a really hard balance at times. This is one of those times.
I have had a hard time scheduling a Bible study small group for me. It seems it has just fallen through for a variety of reasons. I really do have a peace that this is where God wants me and that is without a small group right now. It is a hard thing to accept, but I am focusing on my calling to the leadership of our church and Stan's calling to a very important Bible study in his life, BSF. It is so hard to say no to good things. But, in saying no to good things, I am able to be home with my family at night.
I have been blessed by some recent nighttime memories that have affirmed by decision to say no to good things. The better thing is my sweet boys and husband. Time spent with them is of utmost priority to me. I want to be present for my family. I want to take the time to read Bible stories to my kids. I want to watch football as a family and eat nacho dip for dinner. I want to be present to watch Connor eat his first ice cream cone. I want to have the pleasure of watching my boys play together in the bathtub after dinner. I want to treasure this time and that is what I am doing.
Landon enjoying a nighttime bath.
Connor also enjoying a nighttime bath.
Landon and Connor enjoying one another.
Connor saying, "Cheese" after eating an entire chocolate ice cream cone following nacho dip for dinner in the bonus room while watching the NFL playoffs!
Landon somehow giving me the "Peace" sign- I think very fitting.
Here's to enjoying the time I have gained with my boys, by saying no to good things.
3 comments:
Seeing those pictures you know you are where you should be! Enjoying precious moments with those boys. Thank you for your honestly and realness. Such a joy to share the reality of this life with you!
Proud of you, sis... :) Adorable pics!
Connor is looking so big! I can totally relate on the life-work balance issue. I also am desperate to make some friends, find some people to talk with here, but all the church groups meet on Wednesday nights- Loren is still away, and so I'd have to put Kate in the nursery--which means she wouldn't see a parent all day. So I'm not going to do it, even though it too is a good thing.
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