Integrity Preserved. Lesson Learned.

So, today we headed out to cash in our Groupon for Cary's Jump Zone. We were so excited to walk in and see the above seen! Batman, dinosaurs, firetrucks, etc. all big bounce houses with kids sliding down gleefully! Yes! I thought this was the perfect Monday morning treat for my two active little boys...

"He is 22 months old", I replied... This truth got Connor a FREE admission to baby land, pictured above. You remember the previous "above picture"... Not cool. Especially not cool that there were several little people climbing up the slide that I believe as a pediatric nurse practitioner, I am able to assess...were NOT 2!!! Connor was much bigger than they were and their mothers were WAY too adamant when I asked their age that they were "over two". Humph!

Here is what the boys thought of it.

Well, I realized that this was a chance for a life lesson on disappointment. I told Landon that I was also disappointed, and gave him a choice to either go play by himself or we could leave and go to the play area at Chick-fila that his brother could also go on. You see pictured above that he rallied...and had a fun time sliding...

And so did my big boy. :)

Heck, I even got creative. Connor learned how to use a water fountain and that, friends, was just about as entertaining as the bounce houses.

Disorganized Chaos

Oh yes, I did go there. I try so hard to keep things positive, to see the glass half full because, quite frankly, I am very blessed. But as I reflected at the above picture, my boys' first Hurricane, I thought about how I am feeling right now. I am not feeling organized, I am not feeling any order to my life. My feelings are just that, feelings. They are not things I 'should' base my life perspective on.

The truth is that I am sleep deprived. Connor is not sleeping well and is fighting sleep from every angle. I have been up more with him in the past month than I have since he was a newborn. Landon has also been getting up a lot at night, being scared and needing some reassurance from his mommy and daddy, totally understandable at his age, just a hard combo with his brother not sleeping well either.

The truth is that it is hard for me to keep up right now. I am sitting here with my laptop on crumbs because I did not want to clean this table one more time. There are toys all over the floor and I just don't have the energy to clean them all up again just to have them scattered all over again tomorrow. I am tired.

The truth is that there are two things going on in my life that are hard to talk about- for a variety of reasons. For one thing, I am wary about what I write online. Someone recently said, "What goes online, stays online." Wise. Hopefully I will be able to write more once things change but until that time, I will remain offline with my thoughts on these two things that have been causing me pain...

The truth is that some very significant relationships in my life are causing me pain right now. And. that. plain. stinks.

The truth is that I am eating nutella right now straight from the jar with my glass of wine. I am struggling with my post baby weight and despite my very best efforts of exercising 3-4 times weekly, I think my new midsection is here to stay, so I am enjoying a little indulgence as I pour out my thoughts tonight.

So, I did go there. No worries, it is temporary for me to be here. I believe that God is bigger than any problem that I may have and has plans for me that far outweigh what I could even fathom in goodness to me. God is in charge and I am reminded today of my need to focus on him first and foremost and not all of the disorganized chaos that is in my life. Time to get into His word. In the meantime, thanks for "listening".

Cupcake Camp

So, I know you are all shocked that I am updated my BLOG twice in two days!! But, this morning definitely deserves its own post. My friend, Lorraine, came over to deliver "cupcake camp" to my sweet boys. I used to work with Lorraine when I was a nurse on the pediatric surgical floor at UNC. We had such a great group of co-workers on that floor and I have managed to keep in touch with most of those lovely ladies. Lorraine has such a caring and giving heart and it certainly shined today with my boys. Seeing old friends with my kids always is a special kind of joy.
Here Lorraine is helping both boys learn about measuring and about my wonderful stand mixer.

Connor, apron adorned, had to get some action in his own kitchen.

Here, Landon is watching and "helping" Lorraine- if you consider licking whatever chocolate could possibly drop on the counter- put the batter into the cupcake liners.

A sweet moment when Lorraine let Landon have a spoon to help him lick the bowl!!

Happy camper at "Cupcake Camp".

Connor got to try Cheerwine for the first time- the cake we made was a chocolate Cheerwine cake. I think Connor liked it...

Next, was the decorating of the campfire cupcakes. First you have to mash graham crackers, then sprinkle them on top of the cupcakes topped with jetpuff marshmallow icing. The you take pretzel sticks and break them into halves and make "fire logs". Landon is sticking small marshmallows onto toothpicks to insert into the cupcakes.

Very meticulous work for a young man...

Next, Connor got to smash the cherry flavored lifesavers that we then cooked for about 5 minutes, they melted together and then Lorraine broke them into pieces to add the finishing touch of "fire" to our cupcakes.

Here are the finished products...Lorraine gets the crafty fun creative award for the day for sure!!

Fun, just plain fun! Thanks Lorraine, you are the best! We will look forward to apple pie camp next!

Getting Intentional

I recently finished this book which I highly recommend. It has really made me think about why I do things, especially in relation to my being a mother. I was looking at Landon riding up the driveway on his scooter and I had many thoughts. Yes, my little boy is growing up and I don't want some of the things to change, but in other ways, his growing up is just plain fun and very rewarding. Seeing him master this skill and ride away with confidence made me think about what I want to instill in my children.

I want them to have fun with their friends. I want to be intentional about who I let them hang out with. Here is Landon with Sophia who is his dear friend. It is so sweet to see him helping his friend slide down the water slide, taking turns, encouraging one another and also being their wild and crazy selves (if you have ever seen these two together, you will know what I am talking about).

I love this picture. I love that Connor and Emelia are sitting in these little chairs content for the moment and thinking very hard about something. I want to encourage my kids to think and to be ok not knowing what it is that they are thinking about. I also want to be there and to engage in conversation about what is on their mind- even if in this case, it looks to likely be a bug. :)

Popsicles! Just plain fun. I want my kids to be able to have sweet treats and enjoy them. I want to relax all the right ingredients sometimes and let them enjoy the character popsicles that probably are not "all natural". :)

I want to be a mom who models deep friendship and respect for others. I love this picture and the friendship Landon has with Sophia. I also love the friendship I share with Sophia's mommy, Janise. The daily joys and challenges of motherhood have been so much sweeter and easier with Janise. She is one of those few friends who just "gets me" and isn't it ironic how our kids "get each other"- even though their energy together is very difficult to reign in at times...

Another scooter shot. I love the confidence I see in his eyes. It is definitely worthwhile to take note of each of his triumphs and let him know that I am, indeed, proud of him.

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We were also blessed to have a visit from our family this past week. Vivian and Fred came to visit us and Landon bonded with my Uncle Fred again. When Landon was about 2, Fred and Vivian came and Landon made the connection that one of his little trucks had the same name as my Uncle. He kept holding the truck up to Fred and looking back and forth at Fred the truck and Fred the Uncle.

That had been about 2 years ago, but Landon still seemed to warm right up to Fred. Fred had his eyes closed on the couch and was obviously resting, but that did not stop Landon. He started engaging Fred in play and how could Uncle Fred deny the little fella? He couldn't...

Zaiya, Tahti Karen and Marc also came over and these three had a blast together. What a riot it was watching them play in this box as Tahti Karen threatened to tickle them over and over. Seeing these three growing up together is also something I want to be intentional about. It is really awesome to me that my kids know that Zaiya is special to them. They get so excited to see their "baby cousin" as Landon calls him.

It is a great gift to have Karen so close. She and I have been very intentional about our relationship which is why it is as strong as it is today. I am so proud of my little sis and admire her as a mom so much. Talk about a mom who is intentional with her child... Zaiya is one blessed little buddy to have my sis as his mommy. I think I am pretty blessed with both of them as well...and of course, Uncle Marc, Landon's special giggle maker.

And, a priceless shot of Karen and I with our three boys and Aunt Vivian. Don't even ask about how many tries this took and how ridiculous the adults looked. Yes, I am very intentional about pictures, whether that frustrates the men in my life or not! :)

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This Saturday, we went to visit Heather, Ryan, Emma and Reid for Reid's 2nd birthday. We had a blast, as always with them. Heather and I caught up, the kids played and the men, well...they did bond...and were also caught sleeping on their respective couches during a golf game. So, I guess it would be fair to say that a "good time was had by all".

Landon and Emma are also the best of friends. Even though they really don't get to see each other as much as we would like, they always pick up right where they left off, just like their mommies. Sharing this life with such wonderful friends is just the best. That is one thing I have always been thankful for- the friends God has placed in my life. I pray that my kids grow to have the deep friendships that I do and spending time with such dear people is a good way to start!

Because it was a birthday party, there were noise makers.... Heather claims she thought they just blew out, not blew out noise....

And much more noise from these two... :)

Happy Birthday Reid! I cannot believe you are two!

Here's my girl, Heather- as beautiful as ever, expecting her third little joy. I couldn't be more elated for her.

When I think about being intentional in this life, I think about the lives that have touched me along the way. Heather's journey has been one that has not been easy, but she has always maintained a quiet confidence that God is in control, that sometimes life stinks and you have to keep moving, that laughter is very good medicine and that prayer does work. She is also one hard working and determined woman who is a remarkable mother.

Here's to you, Heather... and here's to all of you ladies (and gents) out there who inspire me every day.

Grandparents' Love and God's Timing

Landon and Connor stayed with my parents while we floated the New River last weekend. Mom and dad were so kind to take our boys for the whole weekend and just showered them with so much love and attention that Landon did not want to come home! I had to share some pictures of their fun with Mommom and Pop.

Above, Landon is sitting in the pool portion of the slip n slide, soaking up as much cool water as possible in the 105 degree heat. Mom and dad only had the boys out for 30 minutes at a time and made the very most of those 30 minutes!!

Landon got lots of Lewis stories with his Pop. My dad is so great with him and it is such a gift for my parents to love spending time with my boys. I love this picture!!

More outdoor fun! Boys need to run!

My Connor has become quite the artist. He has been loving to sit and color- on the paper, table, himself...I am waiting for the wall. He is talking in 4 word sentences and amazing us all daily. Yep, I think he is pretty smart and pretty cool. I love my Connorbug. :)

My Landon! What a little ham. He had his first jacuzzi with Pop who "covered up his "boypart" with bubbles" for this picture to be taken. :) This was the first thing he told be about his jacuzzi with my dad, except he did not use the term, "boypart" :).

He is growing up so much and has really started to become a little boy. In one short year my baby will be going to Kindergarten. I know that the time is coming and I can see that it will be a good thing for him. He is very expressive, creative and has a memory that astounds me daily. You bet I am proud of this young man, especially when I see him sharing, laughing and playing with his little brother who he once wanted to stuff back into my uterus!! :)

BLOG writing has not been at the top of my priority list these past few months. I really enjoy it and know that it helps me to gather my thoughts and make some sense out of them. Therein lies the problem, my thoughts haven't really been making all that much sense lately.

I am in a time of many potential (positive) changes, none of which are happening quite in the time frame I have been hoping for. The awesome thing about this: God's timing is most certainly better than mine. That is true and that is what I am hanging my hope on. But, it does make for a lot of "incomplete cycles", as my dad would say.

I am so blessed to have two very healthy and boisterous boys. They are growing, thriving, loving this life. They are learning. Landon in particular has been learning a lot about heaven. I think it has really increased the opportunity for us to talk about heaven and Jesus since LD died. Landon often asks, "Does Pappa have wings in heaven? Will Pappa run to me when he sees me in heaven one day? How do we get to heaven?" And the list goes on...

It is moments when I am able to share quiet reflective time with Landon where he opens up and asks me about faith, Jesus, heaven and God when I am reminded of the importance of my role as a mother- here and now. There is just a lot of pressure out there in the world to achieve success by the world's standards.

I read something today in my devotional about using the gifts God has given us for his glory. When will I start doing that? When will I be able to look at all of the things I have been blessed with and use them to return thanks and blessings to my Heavenly Father on a daily basis?

I guess I was reminded today that I have been given two precious boys to mother and what greater way to bring honor and glory to God than to share the truth of his love for us with my children. Though it may seem simple and not always something one can plan like a trip to the museum, it is God's work and I am so blessed to be a part of it.

God, help me to trust in your timing.