You are beautiful...

As I swiped my card to gain access to the gated lot where I park at UNC, I read these words.  "You are Beautiful". Words that someone had placed right there, for all who enter to see.  A simple sticker. Someone who does not know me, but knows what the heart of every person needs to see as they bustle frantically into work, jumping from one set of circumstances to another.  Maybe they are both good circumstances. Maybe they are both less than desirable.  Maybe they are hard.  Maybe they are better than they used to be.  Maybe they are fresh.  Maybe they are old.

I jumped out of my car, sent my colleague (and friend) a quick text...I am on my way.  I am here.  I am walking in now.  I am late (again) but I am here. I had a lot on my mind.  An upcoming appointment.  Two meetings outside of work.  Many childcare pieces fit together to allow me to go to a conference this week on Thursday and Friday. A meeting with my new boss. Eight patients with very pressing needs. Countless emails from other patients to answer.  My best friend from high school just delivered her baby 6 weeks early.  I want to be there.  My family member is struggling.  I rushed my kids out the door.  Did I love them well enough this morning to send them away from me for the day?  Will I be able to get out of work on time?  Will I be able to eat lunch today?

I looked down at my phone again...I would send another quick text to my friend with the premature baby.  My phone had been pressed up against my lunch bag, the keyboard exposed, leaving all auto features on...auto correct, auto word recognition, auto voice recognition and transcription.  Typed in the text box from all of these auto-isms...was this, "You are a beautiful person in..."

I whispered...Christ.  Christ.  Christ.

Exhale.

Pause.

My heart smiled.  A message from my loving heavenly father.  No coincidence.

When the busy days try to steal us away, God is waiting.  He is present and speaking.  In the stickers placed by a stranger.  In the "auto-texts".  In the extra time taken to really listen.  In the "front hugs". In the smile of a stranger.  In the laughter of a child.

We just have to see him.

We just have to see ourselves as he sees us.

I think I will take that entrance to the parking deck every day.

And. I will pause.  I will whisper, I am beautiful in Christ.

There is no better way to start my day than to see myself and all others as beautiful in Christ. Looking with God's eyes is far different than looking with my eyes. My eyes are hazy, blurry, out of focus, nearsighted, farsighted, misshapen, red, infected, imperfect.  God's eyes correct every imperfection and allow me to first see myself as a loved child of God, given grace I do not deserve so that I can give that same grace to others.

God, let me see with your eyes.  Let me see me as you see me.  Let me see my neighbor as you see him or her.  Let me see my enemy as you see him or her.  Let me see your beauty in all things.

God, let me see you.

Front Hug

Just a few snow memories...to get this blog started today!  Oh, how much fun we had, but oh, how ready we all are for Spring!!!

Today, Connor, Lindsay and I went to one of our favorite hang outs, the Museum of Life and Science.  I love that every time we go, we explore something different. Enjoy the pictures from our trip this morning...and yes, we stopped at Dunkin' first.  :)

Ewww.  Snakes...

Working on finding balance...

Exploring frequency...

Daddy, is that you?

"Cooking" her healthy foods...

Tangrams!!  I love tangrams!

And the amazing wind tunnel.  This one had the kids mesmerized for the longest amount of time.  :)

What an awesome morning we had getting back into the swing of our family rhythm.  Tuesdays are the day I usually try to take these two nuggets somewhere to explore/play/read/etc.  Lately, those days have been filled with either snow or a sick mama.  I came down with the stomach bug last week and was out for the count.  How awful!

Being sick and out of commission does give you a chance to reflect on a lot. Though I didn't feel too much like reading, I did some praying and some listening.  It is so amazing how crowded out the voice of God can become in my hustle bustle.  As intentional as I try to be, life with little kids (or without little kids for that matter) can just seem relentless.  I set in my mind how I am going to have self control, setting my mind on things of the Lord and just as I am finally sitting down to read a relevant scripture, something distracts me and I am back in survival mode, back to relying on myself and my own understanding to get me through each day.

Being sick made me think about a lot of different BLOG posts, but I forgot those "awesome ideas" and am practicing being right here in the present.  I am not sick today, I have this time today.  I was able to enjoy the health of my two youngest and myself on this beautiful March morning in the city that I live in.  I ran my 5 miles this morning in preparation for a life long goal of running a half marathon- in 2.5 weeks!  I have a husband who has supported me in that training.  I have a job that is rewarding...hard, but rewarding.  I have the love of family and friends.  I know God and his love.  My husband and I will go dancing later tonight together because we love each other.

Too often, I let the plans I have for each day and each idea steal the joy that God has in the more simple, just being.

I have been called to be present this Spring for my family.  It has been a real gift to see the fruit of that calling.  It has not been easy for me.  I have scaled back on my extracurricular activities, and friends, these are good activities, like church choir, for one example...I did that because I felt like my kids needed me.  Some seasons are just that way.  Because I have been less distracted and committed, I have worked on ramping up Stan and I's discipline technique - disciplining without becoming emotional (HARD!) and have been able to help every night with bedtime.  This sounds little, but when you have at least one kid struggling, bedtime is really important for security and wind down pillow talk time.  Just those two things we have been able to work on have greatly helped my little one. You know how I can tell?  I can tell by the way he hugs me.  He used to "side hug" me (I hate those...) and now, he hugs me around the neck, holds me close and lets me hold him, pausing from the chaos of this busy world.  He gives me a real "front hug." He has said genuine words of thanks and has expressed gratitude both verbally and with his actions.

Stan and I have been able to talk more and while my mind has been less divided, I have been more ready to listen and stop scurrying about to clean or organize this or that.

I am not sure what this means for future seasons in my life.  It has been hard on me at times.  I have realized that I have to seek the Lord for him to be found.  I have to work even harder when I am not being "fed" as often as I was before in my church community.  I have also realized (again) that God has a ministry for me right here in this home.  Being a mom is so tiring at times.  It can be all consuming, it can feel so overwhelming.  It can make you laugh till you hurt and cry till you hurt- at the same time.  It is a short season that I have to really invest and mold these kids.  That time is now. And, each day, I have the opportunity to be present right here where God has me.

I liked this quote from my morning devotional, "Instead of approaching the day as a blank page you need to fill up, try living it in responsive mode: being on the lookout for all God is doing." (Jesus Calling).  In this time of slowing it down, I am so thankful to be able to see that I do not need to live with guilt of not being everywhere for everything.  Guilt steals joy and is not from God.  A perfectionist and people pleaser needs to hear that.

God's plans are the best.  You never know when you will be called to minister to a hurting child of God, whether it is your own or someone else's.  You never know when God will pull you aside and give you a real front hug...my plan is to be ready for all he has planed and continue to die to myself. Easier said than done, but with God's awesome power, it is more than possible.