Cleft in the Rock

Stan and I enjoyed such a treasured time the weekend of our Anniversary, enjoy some of my thoughts and reflections.

        I re-read the story in the bible this summer about Moses and the "Cleft in the Rock" and it was truly like I had read it for the first time.  To recap: Moses begs God for mercy after the Israelites rebelled against God on their way to the Promised Land.  Moses says they will not go without God.  Moses begs God for His presence.  The Lord then said, “I will do the very thing you have asked because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.” Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory…” Then the Lord said, “I will cause my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence.  I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on those I have compassion, but you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.  There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock.  When my glory passes by, I will put a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.” (Exod. 33:15, 17-18, 21-22)

When I re-read it over the summer, I was in a place of a sort of crossroad.  We have all been there.  You have a choice to make and usually it involves a new resolve or continuing on the status quo.  The crossroad had nothing to do with my marriage itself…but the strength that I have in our marriage helped me to see…

It was in the re-reading of the passage that I thought a lot about how my marriage has been covered by the Lord’s hand.  How, when the Lord has taken Stan and I into the cleft of the rock, it is after we have been sheltered by his loving hand and his glory has been in our midst, that we have been able to see his awesome work and presence.

I think a lot about Stan and him being my safe place, my shelter and the one who brings me comfort and security.  He does love me as his bride, and this is how God loves his church, his people, and it is why he covers us with his loving hand, keeping us safe in the cleft of the rock as he does the work only he can do.  

Our marriage is not perfect but it is beautiful.  We go to our rock and allow Him to hide us in that cleft of the rock, when the Lord needs us to.  Stan helps me to see God and his love more fully.

When we lost Stan’s dad, we were hidden the cleft.  When we dealt with both the illness leading up to LD’s death and the aftermath of his death and how it affected our family, we were hidden in the cleft.  When we heard scary news about our first pregnancy, we were hidden in the cleft.  When we saw the impact of other serious illness on our loved ones, we were hidden in the cleft.  When we grew (and still grow) weary caring for three little ones, we were and are hidden in the cleft.  When we hear all of the sadness in this world and seek God’s hand in dealing with it all, we are hidden in the cleft.

12 years in and we are stronger than ever before.  I fully believe it is because of our faith and how God has guided our every step.  It is in the marriage class that we took time to take, learning about “love busters”, “the love bank”, “recreational activities” and how better to communicate.  It is in our commitment to ballroom dancing…despite the cost, the time, the energy at 8:45 at night.  It is in the precious smiles of Landon, Connor, and Lindsay Jane Cole and the intentional time we spend with all three.  It is in the stillness of the evening hours when we share a snuggle on the couch.  It is in the early morning when we allow each other the space to go for a jog.

It is in the times when we have been hidden in the cleft and we help each other see that the Lord's glory has passed by- that He has been in our midst, He has sheltered us from harm, He has grown us in ways only He can, He has done the work that we think we need to do...ouch...

I am thankful for our marriage and the opportunity we had to celebrate our commitment to each other and God last weekend.  I am thankful for the way that Stan and I, as one, are very often hidden in God's cleft in the rock.  I am so thankful that Stan helps me to see the times when we have been in the cleft- which allows me to see how God has been working and how he works every day.  And, boy do I need that reminder daily...

Enjoy some pictures from our weekend.

Because it rained in Jefferson last weekend, we were forced to be lazy and take several naps on the couch...Stan did not want his picture taken though.  :)

Stan sported his "Awesome" shirt.  Not sure what to say about that.

I got to sit here.  I wrote in my journal while sipping on my coffee after sleeping in- without getting anything for anybody.

We cruised around Jefferson is L.D.'s old miata.  Kay really worked hard to find L.D.'s old car, buy it back, fix it up and have it ready for our trip to the mountain.

What fun!

It was very nostalgic.  It was so fun talking about L.D. driving this car and seeing Stan in it, enjoying it's ability to "hug the road" just like his dad.

Us before our fancy dinner out at a very nice bed and breakfast on the New River.  12 years in!!

Thank goodness we brought the tripod so we could get these shots.  It was so nice to have Stan's full attention for a whole weekend.  It was very different for me, but oh so nice.  Three kids later and it felt like a second honeymoon. :)

Out at dinner at the River House.  What an awesome awesome celebration.  And, many thanks to mom and dad for keeping out three little ones.

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Speaking of those little ones...this week, this quote really has been a segway from our weekend away to real life.

“Parenting exacts a tremendous cost. It virtually ensures that we will grow weaker or stronger, but we will not and cannot remain the same”

Coming home has been hard this week.  It started out with Stan taking the miata back to his mom's while I drove all three kids that, frankly...needed a little straightening out after being with their wonderful grandparents all weekend.  They just needed routine and to get back into our rhythm.  Basically, it was not an easy ride home or following several hours me versus the three until Stan got home.  Kinda a shock after the space I had over the weekend.  I thought I would be able to carry over some of the serenity into our busy daily lives.

Then, on Monday I worked 12 long hours, dealt with a life altering illness in someone close to me, and prepared for a new day on Tuesday...

On Tuesday, Landon's lego camp and swimming lessons commenced...they are at the same place so I thought we would just go from picking him up from camp to swimming lessons, ordering pizza for dinner there to make it easy on old mom.  We got there to pick him up...and discovered that he picked up the wrong clothes and had no swim suit...and flipped out.  No biggie.  We live close to the pool, so we could head home and pick up another suit...  We got home, almost ran out of gas, got gas, headed back to the pool, ordered the pizza only to be told that they were not selling pizzas on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday anymore...I think the guy at the desk saw my desperation and noted the tears forming in my mama eyes...he said, "Well, I can make a cheese pizza just for today, would that help?"  He had no idea. What a gift a cheese pizza could be!  Moving on...we did swimming lessons, got home, did Landon's reading homework (fighting all the while) and finally started folding clothes at about 10:00.

This picture is from that night.  Perspective maker.

My three enjoying a moon pie.  Also perspective maker.  I love these kids and though the effort I put in right now is tremendous, it is something I NEVER regret and can always see the bigger picture when I look in their eyes.

Wednesday came and Lindsay Jane hated me to leave, reaching her little arms out to me.  She doesn't usually do that, so it was especially hard that day.  Work wore me out as we are having lots of issues that are out of my control but cause me to have to put out fires.  Thankfully, I was able to connect with a dear friend that night and we shared life and all that goes along with it.  It was a true blessing, esp. in a week I thought was going to be "easier".

Thursday I spent the morning taking some sweet pictures of this little girl.  Here are just two of many, two teasers...you will see more as she gets closer and closer to two years old!  Cannot believe it!

It was a sweet sweet time with my girl and we also had the chance to celebrate one of our sweet friend's birthday.  A friend so sweet, that she helps me out very often with the kids simply because she loves them and was understanding at my "franticness" to get out of the house, thus leaving my wallet at home, prohibiting me from treating her to her birthday lunch.  Yeah, that's a good friend.

Pool time again.  One more swimming lesson for the boys.  One more night of juggling that has certainly been worth it.  Landon is jumping off the diving board on his own.  He is swimming.  He is really starting to learn strokes and has a new goal- putting his face in the water without holding his nose.  Connor is also improving by the day.  I am so hoping he will be able to get his yellow band (treading water x 30 seconds then swimming half the length of the pool) so he can go down the slide with his brother by the end of our lessons.

Thursday night proved to be yet another growing experience for me.  Stan was on call all week, getting home at between 6:30-7 and on Thursday, he had a work function so was out until late (rest assured he allowed me to do the same the night before! :)).  The boys and I were downstairs having a snack after putting LJ to bed because they never really eat at the pool that well (unless it's pizza - which- you all know the story there).

Landon can be very challenging.  Let's just say, he was that night.  It ended up with me actually getting to tears over his disrespect and attitude.  It hurt.  I try SO hard with him and often I feel like I am getting no where.

Guess what.  I am not getting anywhere.  But God is...the rest of the story below.

Friday came and we had a big dump truck deliver a whole load of mulch in our yard.  Look at the excitement that these simple pleasure bring my children.  What a great reminder to me and my heart.

Connor picked me a flower.  :)

Happy smile from our little cousin who got to enjoy the day with us- I imagine Zaiya was thinking of all the fun he could have with this pile!

LJ was not sure at first...

But quickly saw that this was something to enjoy!!

Our neighbor, JD, wanted me to take some pictures of him flying off the top.  Don't you love kids?

My sweet nephew got to enjoy the special morning snack too.  Here, he was checking out the frozen blueberries I gave our with the cinnamon muffins.  He was a fan, once he figured out what they were!

Snack time.

A wonderful morning of fun with mulch. The little things.

I actually was then able to read a Magic Treehouse book to my Connor and my sweet Zaiya, who then both feel asleep for about 45 minutes.  Actually, probably the perfect amount of time for a little refreshing nap that would not keep them up too late at night but would allow them to last through dinnertime without a meltdown- you parents know what I am talking about!

Then, I headed to get Landon from camp, had our sweet sitter, Erin, come over to keep the younger two so I could take Zaiya home to Raleigh.

I got in the car with just my nephew and we were able to enjoy some quality time, just he and I.  It was such a sweet time where we really connected and he shared his little heart with me.

We then got Landon, headed to Raleigh, I picked up some milkshakes from Cookout for the boys as a special treat and we dropped Zaiya off at his house.

It was on the drive home that I realized the times God had taken me to the cleft in the rock this week.  I did not see it.  Even after my deep reflection when Stan and I were away.  Life gets so crazy that I forget to listen- to listen to that still small voice of my Lord.

You see, Landon told me something.  He said, "Mommy...I know what love looks like."  I said, "You do?  How do you know what love looks like?  What does it look like to you?"  He said, "I saw love last night when you cried."  Um.  Speechless.  I was thinking...really?  He is only seven.  I told him I loved him and that is why I was upset and went on the tell him the things I wished for in our relationship and for his future.  But, for him to bring this up and connect the dots?  I said, "You are right, Landon, mommy loves you so much that sometimes it hurts."  He said, "I know, mom, and I am going to be a better listener, that's what I decided last night."

We then had a really deep conversation about God's love and how his love is so strong.  We also talked about some real life questions that he had about things that happen in this world that are hard topics to have with a 4 and 1 year old around.

What an awesome ending to a really hard week.

Then, we got home...played in the mulch pile and shared dinner with our dear neighbors and friends.  It was a blessed evening after a blessed week.  In all the ups and downs, God is there, and if I listen, I can see that he is protecting me, my marriage, my children- he is real, he is here, and I am so thankful for all the ways I can see how he worked in the midst of a crazy hard week for a human...little me...but it was all a part of his bigger plan.

Sorry for the length on this one, but it was a lot to process (and still is).  Good thing God is not through with me yet.  :)