Kerplop

So, interesting title, eh?

I have been milling so many things around in my head lately.  I know we all do this and I have truly found that writing makes me feel so much more peaceful.  I am not sure why, except for the fact that I can complete sentences and reflect in even a brief time and see a post to its completion.

Life with three kids is so unbelievable, in so many ways.  Unbelievable in the fact that I have been blessed so immensely.  My children are healthy.  They are happy.  Stan and I both have faith and a wonderful marriage.  We are teaching our children together, the way of the Lord.  We are ourselves, learning the way of the Lord through our children and our weaknesses that raising children will certainly point out to you.

It is hard to feel so pulled in so many directions.  I often yearn for time by myself.  I yearn for time with the Lord.  My heart is full with thanksgiving but it is also yearning to understand some of the other things that having three kids have shown to be unbelievable.

Unbelievable that some people don't understand.  Some people forget.  Some people have very unrealistic expectations for what I can and cannot do as a mom of three young children.

I really feel that God has been teaching me through disappointment and disillusionment.  I feel like, in all times when I have learned the most, I have had to "kerplop" right on my head.

In the middle of the night, my brain will race, trying to make sense of my disappointments.  I have a tendency to spiral and also have to be very careful due to a history of post partum depression.  I reach out, only after I "kerplop". 

Unbelievable that God reaches down, reveals himself and picks me up from the floor.

I hear him say, "I am here.  You are mine.  I chose you, YOU, to parents these three children.  I chose YOU to be who you are and to have the family and friends that you do. I LOVE YOU!"

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable that my quiet times (though short) have been about the Garden of Eden and God's original purpose for our lives.  He did not want us to suffer or have pain.  But, WE did.  WE are to blame.  Unbelievable that I am still not punished for that and that God sent the ULTIMATE sacrifice for a sinner like me.

Unbelievable that God has blessed me in very visable ways.  I have support from my Christian family, more than I can believe.  Let me count the ways!  

All of these people are in my family of GOD! I have a neighbor who is a teen who walks to my house and helps me twice a week with my kids so I can get some things done.  I have several friends who offer to keep my kids without being paid, so Stan and I can spend time together- on our marriage!  I have the best nanny/babysitter in the world.  She takes care of Lindsay Jane while I am at work and is really another member of our family. In fact, Connor will include her in family pictures.  I have a mommy support group, all precious friends who cook, sit with my kids, call, email, text, love my family.  I have a church family who I am in constant communication with.  Different members have brought meals, sat with my kids, given me girl clothes, taken me to lunch, called to check in and have brought me coffee and wine.  :)  

I have the best friends in the world!  I spoke with one last night who has a dying family member.  We talked about God, about how he is with us and we are never alone.  Though people on this earth may not act how we want them to, God is always there, sticking closer than a brother, loving us like no other.  He is real. He has brought me to "kerplop" and that is something I am so thankful for.  For when I "kerplop", who better to pick me up and remind me of something like the following that one of my precious sisters sent me:

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”