Disorganized Chaos

Oh yes, I did go there. I try so hard to keep things positive, to see the glass half full because, quite frankly, I am very blessed. But as I reflected at the above picture, my boys' first Hurricane, I thought about how I am feeling right now. I am not feeling organized, I am not feeling any order to my life. My feelings are just that, feelings. They are not things I 'should' base my life perspective on.

The truth is that I am sleep deprived. Connor is not sleeping well and is fighting sleep from every angle. I have been up more with him in the past month than I have since he was a newborn. Landon has also been getting up a lot at night, being scared and needing some reassurance from his mommy and daddy, totally understandable at his age, just a hard combo with his brother not sleeping well either.

The truth is that it is hard for me to keep up right now. I am sitting here with my laptop on crumbs because I did not want to clean this table one more time. There are toys all over the floor and I just don't have the energy to clean them all up again just to have them scattered all over again tomorrow. I am tired.

The truth is that there are two things going on in my life that are hard to talk about- for a variety of reasons. For one thing, I am wary about what I write online. Someone recently said, "What goes online, stays online." Wise. Hopefully I will be able to write more once things change but until that time, I will remain offline with my thoughts on these two things that have been causing me pain...

The truth is that some very significant relationships in my life are causing me pain right now. And. that. plain. stinks.

The truth is that I am eating nutella right now straight from the jar with my glass of wine. I am struggling with my post baby weight and despite my very best efforts of exercising 3-4 times weekly, I think my new midsection is here to stay, so I am enjoying a little indulgence as I pour out my thoughts tonight.

So, I did go there. No worries, it is temporary for me to be here. I believe that God is bigger than any problem that I may have and has plans for me that far outweigh what I could even fathom in goodness to me. God is in charge and I am reminded today of my need to focus on him first and foremost and not all of the disorganized chaos that is in my life. Time to get into His word. In the meantime, thanks for "listening".