Well, we have reached
quite a milestone in our house. We are
done with diapers. Lindsay Jane, true to
every stereotype I have ever heard on this matter, potty trained completely,
nighttime and all, a whole year before the boys and at least 2 years on the
nighttime part. Isn’t she cute?
I decided to use this
time as a teachable moment for the kids.
We ended up donating the diapers to the diaper bank. There were a lot, one box not even
opened. We talked about how we always
had diapers for our babies and that some people have to choose to eat dinner or
buy diapers for their babies. We talked
about the money we could get if we sold the diapers. We talked about how receiving something like
diapers might make a mama cry. That is
what struck my Connor. He looked at me
with the sweetest eyes, “Why would she cry?” I explained to him that those
tears might be tears of joy, relief, thankfulness and also pain. It was a lot for a 5 year old to take in, but
that’s what made me start thinking about this title of this post. After all, it is hard for me to take in…and
for a completely different reason.
We are “done” and that is
hard. Done having babies. Done bringing those babies home from the
hospital after carrying that precious new life inside me for 9 months. Done from nursing those babies. Done watching
those babies take their first steps. Done with diapers. Done.
That makes me feel, well,
done. I always imagined myself getting married
and having babies. Beyond that, I didn’t really think much about what my life
would look like.
I have found myself
reeling for my identity. I have been
questioning everything this year. My role
as a mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, nurse practitioner. You name it, I have questioned it. I don’t want to be done having babies. What does that mean for me? What in the world do I do next? I am a good baby mom, but dealing with school
aged issues????? What??? Don’t get me started on how that whole scene
has affected my identity.
Oh, how lonely I have
felt. How empty. How scared.
How sad. How confused.
“He must increase, I must decrease…. John 3:30”
Isn’t it awesome how God
pulls you in. For me, it happened at the ocean.
I learned about my ordinary being extraordinary. I learned about seeing beauty in simplicity.
We are all ordinary
without God. With him, our every ordinary
becomes extraordinary.
It really is that simple.
My ordinary embraced:
Mom, Wife, Friend, Daughter, Sister, PNP.
I wrote out each of the
above rolls in my journal as I say in front of the ocean. I wrote out my own affirmations. I do not do that enough! If you haven't done that lately, do it! I let God speak to me and wrote down what I
felt he was telling me, telling my soul, as I spent time reflecting and
listening.
I want to see myself as
he sees me. He does not see someone who
is “done”. He sees his daughter, the
daughter he created for a purpose. He
sees every single one of my “ordinaries” as extraordinary. He sees them as he intends for them to be
embraced, he sees them to their fullness.
I don’t have that birds eye view, but I have the promises he has given
me in his word that he does. When I
embrace my ordinary, it becomes extraordinary.
How awesome is that.
How can I embrace my
ordinary life event of my youngest potty training? I can use it as a springboard to teach my
kids about those less fortunate than us.
I can listen to what I am telling them and I can be thankful that I
never went a day without a diaper for my babies. I can
then pause and stop chasing the next thing, event, purchase, career move, etc. I can pause and simply be, be fulfilled and
used for God’s purposes right where I am.
Not where I was as a baby mama, but where I am as a mom of three little
ones who need guidance, direction, comfort, love, discipline, a mama who
advocates for them, a mama who learns with them about how to embrace every day,
every minute, every breath, a mama who shows them the Lord.
My ordinary life is
extraordinary because I am the daughter of a King. My future as a mom, wife, friend, daughter,
sister and nurse practitioner are also extraordinary.
Lord, help me live in each moment, listening,
looking and keeping an open heart to all you are doing. I don’t want to miss it for my own chasing…I
want to chase you. And, of course, these little rascals...
