As I write that sentence I am struck by the awesome blessing that is- not having time to enjoy this space.
Seems strange and foreign to me to write. I have to believe it comes from the Lord as I am deeply trying to learn from the most recent book I am reading called, "What Happens When Women Say Yes To God".
Lamentations 3 reminds us, "His mercies are new every morning." Lysa Terkeurst goes on to say, "Actually, God's compassions, or mercies, are available minute by minute, step by step, decision by decision, reaction by reaction. We don't have to get bogged down and label ourselves as unable. We have to ask God for forgiveness and move on."
I am a mom of three little ones 6 and under, a wife to a wonderful man of 11 years, a nurse practitioner part time, a member of a church I love, a friend, a sister, a daughter....most significantly and importantly, a daughter of God.
Though I know this, I am tempted daily by the wooing of this world, by the pressure to be perfect- in the world's eyes.
I think having my third child has allowed me to feel out of control. I mean, there is really very little time for me and what am I going to do about it? I get up very early for bible study. Guess what, so does my 3 year old. It is as if he knows when I leave my room- he can sense it-and he wakes, coming downstairs (or if I am lucky- into the bonus room where my husband currently sleeps because he snores and we both realize that we desperately need sleep to most patiently parent these babies) looking at me with those big brown eyes, "Mommy, I am wet. Mommy, I am hungry. Mommy, I want to snuggle. Mommy...I want to scream, fuss, I am tired and don't want to be awake and I don't want anything you are trying to offer me..."
I think the piece of Lysa's expansion of Lamentations 3 that really hits me is... "reaction by reaction". His mercies are available to me and that does depend on me. It depends on how I react to situations that don't go as I planned. Can you relate? Ohhh, how I can improve on my reactions. My first thought when I hear those little feet hit the floor at 5:55 am when I have just really patted myself on the back saying, "Good job, Kristen, you are saying Yes to God! You are winning the battle of the blankets!" is not one that would afford me to recognize new mercies from God. My first thought might be something more like, "Can't I ever get a break? Can't I have any time to myself? After all, God are you wanting me to spend time with you? help me, make this kid sleep!"
I am realizing that my "saying Yes to God" does not need to be something external (like selling my home or giving up TV) but it needs to be internal. My first thought really needs to be- I need to pray and then respond. To everything.
Lysa also goes on to say, "I remind myself often that people don't care to meet my Jesus until they meet the reality of Jesus in my life." I think my reality is that I am a very blessed woman. I have the three children I prayed for and they are healthy. I have the opportunity, though it seems fleeting to me...to be used by God right here, right now, even while I am writing and divided because my three year old is explaining to me how he has made weapons out of contructs to protect me. How am I reacting to him? Am I showing him Jesus or am I showing him the flesh? Am I listening to him and smiling at him or am I telling him to leave me alone so I can focus on what I am doing?
Lots to think about and learn from. I think about the recent death of my husband's grandfather and how he lived his life. As we go celebrate his life and the faith that he modeled to his entire family as a dad, granddad, great granddad, I think...how can I be that kind of mom? It starts here in my home with saying Yes to God. Minute by minute, reaction by reaction. My most important witness is who my children are seeing day in and say out in the rat race that is our world. Are they seeing the reality of Jesus in my life?
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