Daily Manna

If this picture wouldn't provide at least a day's dose of life sustainment, what would?

So, I said I would get back to my BLOG about this book I am reading...no idea it would be today.  That's how it works when you have three kids...you never know when you will have space.  When you get it, you better take it!!!

As Lindsay Jane naps and Stan and the boys are taking care of our Sams club trip of the month...I am here in the quiet.

I woke this morning early, just in time to fight back the "battle of the blankets" and find my way downstairs to meet with God.  Well, if you have children, esp. more than one and even more esp. more than two...you know what the odds are very good that one of them will be up before 6:30.  This morning it was my Lindsay.  Sigh...I said.  I decided to go ahead and get her, letting Stan keep his head on his pillow for this morning.  I decided I would go ahead and feed her and enjoy being grateful for her health.

You see, I had a scare 2 weeks ago with her having a high fever, high white blood cell count, a diagnosis that little baby girls aren't supposed to have...thus more testing is warranted to assure there is nothing wrong.  It was in those moments while I waited for the urine to come back, knowing how high her white blood cell count was (being a nurse practitioner in this scenario is NOT a positive), waiting to see...what step would be next.  I prayed with all my heart, my palms sweaty, my face white like a ghost, tears just coming.  I prayed that she would have a UTI. What?

I knew that it was the best of what was unknown.  I knew that it was treatable.  I knew it could be cured.  Then, the words came...positive white blood cells in the urine, positive culture, confluent growth.  There was no doubt that it was a UTI.

After 2 doses of the antibiotic, she went to sleep.  Sigh, I said.  I can rest.  But I did not.  I watched her breath on the monitor.  I woke at least every 30 minutes, looking at her chest rise and fall.  I decided I needed to go in and check for fever...she was HOT!  ...she then immediately vomited.  Again, and again- 3 times.  I thought, we are headed to the ER!  Breathe.  Sigh.  Nurse the baby.  I nestled her close, nursed her, she held it town. I gave Motrin...brought that fever down and she returned to sleeping, never to vomit again.

It was in this experience that I was reminded of all I have to be grateful for.  And, I was humbled as I thought about those I hold dear and know have not heard those words...they longed to hear..."its a virus, culture is positive and it can be treated, she will return to complete health".  I am grateful for tests that tell us what is wrong, for medicines that can treat illnesses that used to take people's lives and for people who are trained to guide the process. My daughter's health is something that I will not take for granted.  Thanksgiving.

The book I am reading is called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voscamp.  I have previously mentioned it.  It is in reading this book, a long with scripture and prayer, that I am realizing my need to give thanks is not only what will bring me closer to God, but what will keep me alive, my daily manna.

When God told the Israelites that he would provide bread (manna) daily, they didn't believe him.  He told them to only gather enough for one day except for on the day before the Sabbath, where they could gain enough for two days so that they could rest on the Sabbath.  If they did gather too much and try to save it, it would become consumed by maggots- except on the day of the Sabbath.  They also were not to gather any manna on the Sabbath, they were to rest...they went out and tried to gather anyway...there was none to gather.

I got to thinking about being grateful and how it happens.  I recognize my need to give thanks, I look at the baby girl sleeping in my arms after I feed her.  I feel such peace.  I am so grateful for her eyelashes, her perfect little nose, her chest that rises and falls, her wisps of hair growing in barely on her little perfectly shaped head...I put her down, I watch her sleep.  I am at peace.  I leave the nursery.  My sweet Connor wakes up...screaming...maybe he pees on the floor (on purpose) or maybe he even pees on our cat (don't even ask!).  He demands that I come right away and Lord knows I better or he will wake his brother and his sister I just got back to sleep.  I gather him in my arms.  Love him.  He screams again, he doesn't like his clothes in his drawer, he is hungry now.  He is not in the mood to accept my grateful heart.  So, guess whose attitude also changes?  This girl

So, how do I gather enough thanks for the day.  It is certainly something I need to do every day, I recognize that for sure.  I see my thought processes changing.  And though peeing on the cat is maddening, I am grateful in some way that he can stand.  That he can pee on his own.  That he is expressing himself as a normal three year old does.

Gathering my manna in the form of thanks is something that I cannot store up enough of either...for tomorrow.  I have to gather it daily, hourly, by the minute.  Look around.  I see evidence of life, health, family.  I see toys on the floor, but I am so grateful for the 6 little hands who play with those toys.  I hear boys fighting, disobeying, back talking.  I am so grateful that my little ones can talk, they can reason (whether it is reasonable is up for debate), they can think...the ability to find thankfulness in all things is opening up my world in a way that I am embarrassed to say, is new.  I have long considered myself a grateful person...but I am learning now, that I have a long way to go and I am starting now.

It is amazing how there is thanksgiving to be found in overflowing laundry baskets, dish-filled sinks with full dishwasher waiting, shoes thrown on top of the shoe rack instead of within, spots (from who knows what type of liquid...) that have become stains on the carpet, little boy underwear wet for the 3rd time in a day in a little boy who is too busy with play to bother, changing dirty diapers, living in a constant state of sleep deprivation and sandwiches or left overs for the 3rd night in a row cause mama is too busy with this raising up of children to cook a warm meal.

If you haven't read this book, you need to.  I am not usually a person who might push a book on other people, but this one is worth it.  I am only on page 111 and it is a slow read, I would say.  But, it is changing my life- not because of the book itself, but because of the encouragement it gives to draw closer to my Lord with a heart of thanksgiving.