Truth and Suffering

Looking at the above picture brings me joy.

I have to say, though, and this will be very honest and not peppy and effervescent...

This pregnancy has been very hard on me physically which has started taking its tole emotionally.

I was thinking about this today as I laid in my bed trying to recover from a night filled with contractions no closer than 6 minutes apart so so need to call the doctor...itching that can be likened to a dog with fleas without effective remedy, leading to insomnia.  I did watch Top Gun, at least.

I was thinking about suffering and the fact that I knew that my physical suffering would end.  And, it will.  It will end in new life!  It will end in a miracle!

That got me thinking about Jesus and the suffering that he did on the cross.  He was flogged.  He had nails hammered through his hands and ankles, a crown of thorns placed on his head and a spear piercing his side. What did his suffering result in?  New life. A miracle.

It brought me great comfort to know that Jesus knows my suffering and that that is how God intended it.  Jesus can relate to me!  I can relate to Jesus!

It seems silly and far fetched especially when I talk to other people who say, "Just get some rest, relax, you will be fine."  Actually...for this optimist and type A personality to say this, is hard...NO I WON'T, not until after I deliver this precious baby. I. AM. MISERABLE.  My itching is relentless. I have a sharp biting pain in my right upper quadrant (yes medical friends, my liver enzymes and bile salts have been checked and are normal), I am nauseous, still at 39 weeks and 6 days, I am having contractions that aren't real labor but they hurt. I can't go outside because it spurs on the itching to new levels of irritation.  I am trapped inside unless I want to suffer more.

But how can a pregnant woman, one who waited for so long for this pregnancy be miserable?  Trust me.  It is hard to admit, hard to write down, but in reality it brings me closer to Jesus and the cross.  So, it is worth it.  Not just for this life growing inside me, but for my intimate connection to Christ during this physical suffering.

I think about my friend who has chronic pain.   She knows no promise that her pain will end...but then does she?  She will one day be cured of her pain, even if it is when she meets Jesus, but why can't she find relief on earth?  Jesus knows and he can relate to her.  I also think about dear friends at church who lost their 16 year old daughter to cancer.  Where is their joy?  Where is their healing?  We know with our heads that it is in the cross and they know she is healed in heaven...but our hearts say, "Why not here on earth"?  Jesus knows and he suffers with them.  I also think about my friend with an empty womb, begging to suffer like me...for the gift new life will bring.  Will she be able to suffer?  Will her prayers be answered?  Jesus knows and he suffers with her. That is the answer. Jesus knows and he suffers with us.  He knows suffering, better than we do.

I guess Jesus is really using this time to speak to me on many levels.  I am so grateful to the chance to be used by him in communicating my heart.  I also trust him and read this excerpt from my devotional which hit home today.

"You keep your plans tentative, knowing that my plans are far superior"

Yes, Lord.  I hear you.  I trust you.