You are beautiful...

As I swiped my card to gain access to the gated lot where I park at UNC, I read these words.  "You are Beautiful". Words that someone had placed right there, for all who enter to see.  A simple sticker. Someone who does not know me, but knows what the heart of every person needs to see as they bustle frantically into work, jumping from one set of circumstances to another.  Maybe they are both good circumstances. Maybe they are both less than desirable.  Maybe they are hard.  Maybe they are better than they used to be.  Maybe they are fresh.  Maybe they are old.

I jumped out of my car, sent my colleague (and friend) a quick text...I am on my way.  I am here.  I am walking in now.  I am late (again) but I am here. I had a lot on my mind.  An upcoming appointment.  Two meetings outside of work.  Many childcare pieces fit together to allow me to go to a conference this week on Thursday and Friday. A meeting with my new boss. Eight patients with very pressing needs. Countless emails from other patients to answer.  My best friend from high school just delivered her baby 6 weeks early.  I want to be there.  My family member is struggling.  I rushed my kids out the door.  Did I love them well enough this morning to send them away from me for the day?  Will I be able to get out of work on time?  Will I be able to eat lunch today?

I looked down at my phone again...I would send another quick text to my friend with the premature baby.  My phone had been pressed up against my lunch bag, the keyboard exposed, leaving all auto features on...auto correct, auto word recognition, auto voice recognition and transcription.  Typed in the text box from all of these auto-isms...was this, "You are a beautiful person in..."

I whispered...Christ.  Christ.  Christ.

Exhale.

Pause.

My heart smiled.  A message from my loving heavenly father.  No coincidence.

When the busy days try to steal us away, God is waiting.  He is present and speaking.  In the stickers placed by a stranger.  In the "auto-texts".  In the extra time taken to really listen.  In the "front hugs". In the smile of a stranger.  In the laughter of a child.

We just have to see him.

We just have to see ourselves as he sees us.

I think I will take that entrance to the parking deck every day.

And. I will pause.  I will whisper, I am beautiful in Christ.

There is no better way to start my day than to see myself and all others as beautiful in Christ. Looking with God's eyes is far different than looking with my eyes. My eyes are hazy, blurry, out of focus, nearsighted, farsighted, misshapen, red, infected, imperfect.  God's eyes correct every imperfection and allow me to first see myself as a loved child of God, given grace I do not deserve so that I can give that same grace to others.

God, let me see with your eyes.  Let me see me as you see me.  Let me see my neighbor as you see him or her.  Let me see my enemy as you see him or her.  Let me see your beauty in all things.

God, let me see you.

Front Hug

Just a few snow memories...to get this blog started today!  Oh, how much fun we had, but oh, how ready we all are for Spring!!!

Today, Connor, Lindsay and I went to one of our favorite hang outs, the Museum of Life and Science.  I love that every time we go, we explore something different. Enjoy the pictures from our trip this morning...and yes, we stopped at Dunkin' first.  :)

Ewww.  Snakes...

Working on finding balance...

Exploring frequency...

Daddy, is that you?

"Cooking" her healthy foods...

Tangrams!!  I love tangrams!

And the amazing wind tunnel.  This one had the kids mesmerized for the longest amount of time.  :)

What an awesome morning we had getting back into the swing of our family rhythm.  Tuesdays are the day I usually try to take these two nuggets somewhere to explore/play/read/etc.  Lately, those days have been filled with either snow or a sick mama.  I came down with the stomach bug last week and was out for the count.  How awful!

Being sick and out of commission does give you a chance to reflect on a lot. Though I didn't feel too much like reading, I did some praying and some listening.  It is so amazing how crowded out the voice of God can become in my hustle bustle.  As intentional as I try to be, life with little kids (or without little kids for that matter) can just seem relentless.  I set in my mind how I am going to have self control, setting my mind on things of the Lord and just as I am finally sitting down to read a relevant scripture, something distracts me and I am back in survival mode, back to relying on myself and my own understanding to get me through each day.

Being sick made me think about a lot of different BLOG posts, but I forgot those "awesome ideas" and am practicing being right here in the present.  I am not sick today, I have this time today.  I was able to enjoy the health of my two youngest and myself on this beautiful March morning in the city that I live in.  I ran my 5 miles this morning in preparation for a life long goal of running a half marathon- in 2.5 weeks!  I have a husband who has supported me in that training.  I have a job that is rewarding...hard, but rewarding.  I have the love of family and friends.  I know God and his love.  My husband and I will go dancing later tonight together because we love each other.

Too often, I let the plans I have for each day and each idea steal the joy that God has in the more simple, just being.

I have been called to be present this Spring for my family.  It has been a real gift to see the fruit of that calling.  It has not been easy for me.  I have scaled back on my extracurricular activities, and friends, these are good activities, like church choir, for one example...I did that because I felt like my kids needed me.  Some seasons are just that way.  Because I have been less distracted and committed, I have worked on ramping up Stan and I's discipline technique - disciplining without becoming emotional (HARD!) and have been able to help every night with bedtime.  This sounds little, but when you have at least one kid struggling, bedtime is really important for security and wind down pillow talk time.  Just those two things we have been able to work on have greatly helped my little one. You know how I can tell?  I can tell by the way he hugs me.  He used to "side hug" me (I hate those...) and now, he hugs me around the neck, holds me close and lets me hold him, pausing from the chaos of this busy world.  He gives me a real "front hug." He has said genuine words of thanks and has expressed gratitude both verbally and with his actions.

Stan and I have been able to talk more and while my mind has been less divided, I have been more ready to listen and stop scurrying about to clean or organize this or that.

I am not sure what this means for future seasons in my life.  It has been hard on me at times.  I have realized that I have to seek the Lord for him to be found.  I have to work even harder when I am not being "fed" as often as I was before in my church community.  I have also realized (again) that God has a ministry for me right here in this home.  Being a mom is so tiring at times.  It can be all consuming, it can feel so overwhelming.  It can make you laugh till you hurt and cry till you hurt- at the same time.  It is a short season that I have to really invest and mold these kids.  That time is now. And, each day, I have the opportunity to be present right here where God has me.

I liked this quote from my morning devotional, "Instead of approaching the day as a blank page you need to fill up, try living it in responsive mode: being on the lookout for all God is doing." (Jesus Calling).  In this time of slowing it down, I am so thankful to be able to see that I do not need to live with guilt of not being everywhere for everything.  Guilt steals joy and is not from God.  A perfectionist and people pleaser needs to hear that.

God's plans are the best.  You never know when you will be called to minister to a hurting child of God, whether it is your own or someone else's.  You never know when God will pull you aside and give you a real front hug...my plan is to be ready for all he has planed and continue to die to myself. Easier said than done, but with God's awesome power, it is more than possible.

"Way Better Than a Friend"

Nope, not talking about the snow here in my title, folks...Wow.  Are we really in NC?  We are on day 7 of snow days this year and I am sure that tomorrow will be our 8th.  And, I am sure that Landon will not have a spring break but we have already paid for a beach house for the week...for the first time ever we have plans to go away on Spring Break to give Landon a treat.  Oh well.

Yesterday, I was really feeling the sting of these snow days.  You see, I had arranged a day off from work months ago to do what moms do on their day off- organize this house.  I was actually really excited about it- the closets, the pantry, the drawers...  I imagined what they would look like after I went to Ross or Target and found more organizational doo-dads..no more extra bags of cereal from Sam's falling on my head when I pull out the cereal container that is too full to put the rest of that cereal in...no more inability to close to hall closet door because of complete disorganization of kids games and crafts that the kids have gotten into when I couldn't because I was in the middle of cooking dinner or potty training...no more little pieces of "special crap" to sort through when trying to find my keys (in case you don't know what "special crap" is, it is a collection of tiny pieces of paper, sticks, rocks, trash, etc. that for some unknown reason your kids will not let you throw away- until you do...when they are not around...and they never miss that "oh, so special" item)...no more Tupperware falling in the floor when I just open that cabinet door...no more bins taking up space in my closet because I haven't had time to get them to the consignment store or goodwill...and...no more finding that ricotta cheese I knew I had but couldn't find it in the furry of dinner drama a month later with mold inside because it fell behind the cluttered shelf in the fridge.  Oh, how freeing!!!

Then. Another snow day. After the tease of a 3 hour delay.

I admit, my attitude was not stellar.

I have been trying really hard to enjoy these days with the kids and I really think we have.  But, yesterday, my patience and creativity were just running low.  Plus, I was disappointed to have to give up a day that was going to "make my life with three kids easier" and "make me less frustrated."

To start the day, I decided Landon needed to do some school work.  Structure is good for kids. Amen?  So, he asked if we could sit by the fire and do it.  Sure!  While I gathered myself and got dressed, he waited for me at the kitchen table and did his first bit of homework by himself.  This was a huge deal!  Landon had read his short story and had answered all of the questions in complete sentences without any help from me!  I was amazed and thrilled and super proud.  Usually, reading is like pulling teeth to him and we honestly struggle through it with many silent prayers ushered under my breath while I try to help him.

On a roll, we went and sat in front of the fire and I brought my laptop to work on some left over work I had to do.  Amazed, I sat and worked on my work and he on his.  This is the first time I have experienced this!  I was able to help him with a couple of words and thoughts, but he did the large majority without me actually helping...it was better than anything I could have hoped for for yet another snow day that rendered my own plans useless.

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law."  Deuteronomy 29:29

I read this verse this morning and was reminded of just how in control God is of all of our circumstances.  God is in the snow days, the disruptions of life, the unexpected surprises and disappointments.  He reveals his plans to us when it is His time, not ours.  Though the thought of another snow day was difficult to settle into, I am so thankful that that little secret, the secret that God knew, the secret that Landon would read beside me by himself for the first time, was revealed and set my day off with my sweet boy.

I let him play a little xbox while I finished up my work, we watched Big Hero 6 while I ran on my treadmill (4.5 miles!) since my half marathon training does not stop for the snow, we went to Dunkin for lunch, I took that bin to the consignment store, we got groceries and gas in preparation for the snowpocalypse 2015, we got frozen yogurt and he even helped me find bathing suits (I know, I am just really ready for spring at this point).

I told him how much I enjoyed our day.  I said, "Landon, it sure was nice having a little friend to run all these errands with today!"  He replied, "Mommy, I am way better than a friend."

That. Sums. Up. My. Post.

From Warm Hearts to Cold Fingers and Toes

My three little Valentines.  :)  It was fun having Valentine's Day on a Saturday this year.  Landon was particularly pleased.  The kids woke up and we had our Saturday morning ritual of lounging in pjs with coffee and cartoons...and then, I let them open their treats.  A lovie for each and some candy...that was immediately consumed.  :)

Connor, Lindsay Jane and I had a chance to make heart cookies in preparation earlier in the week.  I love that sweet little face.  :)

Connor is so meticulous.  He really enjoys taking his time and making his cookies look just right. This one is so similar to his mama.

See...these are mine...he always likes to copy what I do.  My, oh, my, how I have to be careful.

Then, there is this one.  She is also a lot like me but in a different way.  She is also such a little clown. When doing sugar cookies with any two year old, one is bound to laugh...just to keep from crying for all the mess that just comes with the territory.

Landon, making the same face as his Valentine's Day lovie.  He is hilarious.

Connor had to follow right in big brother's footsteps...

And then we have little LJ, a smile a minute, showing off her newest pink puppy.

Little rascals with their Valentine's Day treats.

Next up...Connorbug and mommy had a date on Valentine's Day!  It was so much fun!  We both dressed in red and set off for our day with no complaining about "having to go with mom instead of staying home and playing with his brother..."  (I wish)

I took him to his first ballroom dancing class.  He has been very interested in Stan and I taking lessons and agreed to give it a try.  It was really adorable and Fred Astaire did an amazing job with the 15 kids that showed up!  It was so great to see these kids starting to dance at such a young age and I couldn't help but to picture our own dance instructors starting at 5 as well.

Look at that posture and hands on those hips!

Very serious, this little one...

I am amazed at how very into the class he was.  He was so intent and paid attention to Oksana's every move.  I was so proud of my little dancer!

It was adorable because Oksana was messaging with me after the class talking about how well Connor did, so I told him of her compliment.  He grinned a little and slyly said, "Does that mean I get a trophy, mom?"  Not quite yet, little man, but keep up the practice and maybe one day!  Kids, they are so darn cute.

Next stop...my least favorite restaurant of all time...McDonalds.  Also known as my kids' favorite restaurant of all time...thanks, Stan.

I do have to admit that they make a pretty mean fudge sundae, which Connor promptly told me that in this case it was a fudge "Saturday".

After McDonalds, we went to Sam's club, another of my favorite places (not).  We did make it fun, though, and I let Connor ride on one of those platform carts and he built a fort out of the groceries.  :)

It was a treat getting to spend that quality time with Connor.  So often, I am working with Landon on homework/reading or working with Lindsay on potty training/bedtime/eating/2 year old needs and Connor usually happily plays by himself.  I have noticed that he has been more whiny than normal lately, so I thought he might need some mama time.  I do think he enjoyed it and felt loved...but it did not stop the whining...

Next stop...Dinner and dancing with these wonderful people!  Stan and I started going on monthly dancing dates with John and Sherene almost a year ago now.  We meet for dinner and then dance the night away at local dance studios and ballroom dancing clubs.  There is never a lack of laughter when we are with these two.  Between encouraging Stan Cole to expand his "Mebane palate," comparing notes on the "trajectory" of our kids' progress in learning life and joking about who is going to first earn the right to wear "all black" to our dancing events (we have noticed that those who are on a much higher level than we are often wear all black), we absolutely have a blast.

And, they have some pretty great kids too...photo bomb!

We took a marriage class together about 2 years ago and found out that we both had a love of ballroom dance.  It has been great continuing that relationship that was really founded on a commitment we all share in common to building a strong marriage.  Dancing sure will teach you a lot about your marriage!  What a blessing this sweet friendship is.

And, that ends my post on Valentine's Day...where hearts were warm and cozy...

Yep, you guessed it, these next photos are from the Ice Storm of 2015...

Getting ready takes a long long time...

Someone was excited...

I am still amazed that they all stood there and let dear old mama take a picture.  I love kids in snow clothes!  Especially these three!

Did I mention she was excited?

Ready?

Set...

Go!!!!

Connor was so sweet to pull his little sis on the sled.  As much as these two have started getting into it, they do have a sweet little bond.

Mr. Poley joined the fun with his pastry and coffee.  :)

Porter stopped for a cheese...

Landon was a little excited himself.  He was beyond thrilled to 1) Be out of school again (he had President's Day off) and 2) Get to play in the snow!!

"Hey mom, can you come catch me?  I want to do this because I saw my brothers do it, but I am just not 100% sure it is a great idea."

"I have a better idea, I am going to drive my buggy on the ice."  Translation: Mommy is going to push Lindsay Jane on the ice and fear for her life as she heads down the hill...

Cutie Rachel!

I just adore this picture!  These two are two peas in a pod.  Have I ever mentioned that we love our neighbors?

Sweet smiles, cute hats, precious little ones.

Great fun!  What genuine smiles.  I love love love it.

Then, daddy made it out...

Sledding on ice became even more fun!

The big boys heard that Stan was giving boosts down the hill!

Connor was racing back to get his second turn!

Love.  The last picture of Porter is my favorite!  Doesn't that just capture a kid's thrill of the snow? As my Connor would say, "It's really great to be a kid."

I caught someone looking really cute...

I can hardly contain myself on the cuteness factor here...

Who me, mom?  Look at my baby.  She sure is growing up fast.

The sledding crew!  A crew of happy boys.

Then, we headed in for some cookie baking and a nap for Lindsay Jane.

Melting Snowmen cookies!

Connor's version...

And, Landon's version...I'm thinking zombies?

Then, we got out the cornstarch and shaving cream and made our own snow to play with inside! Landon was absolutely into it!  He has always liked to get his hands dirty and play with finger paint and such.  My other two are less inclined that way, but they did join in the fun to a lesser degree.

I made Lindsay Jane a kitty cat in the snow which pleased her.  She did not want to touch the snow so much, but she was happy to have the kitty cat to look at.

Landon made an entire diorama and a play to go with it.  He even had "main characters" which included the eye balls, snow leopard and a killer whale.  Basically the killer whale was attacking everything else and making a big mess.  But, he did allow for questions at the end of his play, as long as we raised our hands.  This was serious business...

This was his staging place...

And in case you were wondering, all of this was "OFF LIMITS! All of this!"  Because, he is really only talking to his sister and brother here, neither of whom can read.  :)  Adorable.

And, just when things were clearing up...we had another snow shower.  This time, it was really great packing snow.  It was really big beautiful flakes...

That Connor was trying to eat. :)

A child's delight and wonder.

Another type of delight and wonder. :)

One of my favorite pictures ever.  I love this little girl so much!  We had so much fun sledding down the driveway.  It really doesn't take much. :)

Mr. Poley came to play again.  And this time, taught the boys the art of a perfectly packed snowball...

Landon trying his hand at it...

Porter...succeeding in making the snowball and ready to aim...

Steph came out when it was quitin' time.  Poor thing had to be on a conference call when we were all outside.  I love that we gather, rain, snow or shine and talk about life.

Well...on Snow Day number 3...Lindsay Jane and Landon had the day to themselves and climbed in this cocoon.  Connor's daycare was open and the boys definitely needed a break from each other...

They have such a sweet little bond.  Lindsay has a sweet little name for Landon, "Gaga."  Not really sure where that came from, but it is definitely his name.  :) Lindsay Jane even told us tonight that she was "Gaga's baby". This was after Stan and I were joking around with her saying she was Mommy's baby, no Daddy's baby, and she said, "No, I Gaga's baby."  That is precious, my friends.

This picture does a mama's heart good...

One more.  I just love it.

Then, we had to break out the hot chocolate!

Cheers!

Lindsay Jane even convinced me this morning to have another cup in front of the fire after successfully completing another potty deposit.  I could not resist this little face...

Then, we had a BIG playgroup since school was out and decorated sugar cookies.  This time, they were snowmen, mittens, snow flakes and penguins.  How fitting for this cold wintry weather.

Happy kids...

Happy mama.

Well, that about sums up the past 2 weeks.  Hope you enjoyed!  We really have...minus a few sibling arguments I have had to break up...