Don't Look Back

Lately I have been waking earlier than even my normal. Like 5:30 after daylight savings time!  I am not tired when I wake, rather actually very motivated and energized.  I am sure it is the quiet that is compelling me.  The only quiet times for a mama are when the wee ones are dreaming their sugar plum dreams.

It is in the quiet where I can hear the voice of God.  I do see him in my sweet children and in the lives of many I encounter on a day to day basis...but to hear him...

Like many of you, I have had a season of seeking, of a silent loom, of a feeling of being stuck- in all honesty.  I deeply desire to hear from God.  But, it has been hard to distinguish his voice from the ones in my head and the ones all around- most especially the negative criticizing ones.  It's also a reality that it is so hard for me to find space. Even in the getting up at 5:30, my kids seem to know that I am up and tend to rise even earlier than normal.  Getting space to hear once the day started is even more of a challenge.

I read the story of Lot and his family being rescued out of Sodom yesterday morning.  The vision that came to my heart was one of the Lord scooping up this family like a mama bird and gently carrying them to safety, safety from harm, from the enemy, from certain destruction...but he used angels, "don't look back" angels.  

Angels.  Can you imagine being carried by angels?  Angels that heed you warning that you can hear, while they are touching you, carrying you, being the hands and the feet of the Lord?

I can.  And I have heard them say, "don't look back." Don't look back on yesterday's pain or disappointment.  Don't look back at passed regrets or heart hurts.  Don't look back at that person who wrongly treated you.  Don't look back on missed opportunities or mistakes.  Don't live there in the "look back".  It's a path of certain destruction.

And it was for Lot's wife.  You remember, the pillar of salt.  The image of the "don't look back" is that of a silhouette of a person, devoid of life, of a future, of any hope.  She could not will herself to trust.

How many times have I just lived there, existed in the "look back". It's a tempting and addictive habit, to look back.  It's dark and hopeless.  It's the opportunity to ruminate on missed opportunities or "what ifs".  It's an easy place to revert to, an easy place for my mind to find. How about you? Can you relate?

God is in the "don't look back", extending his outstretched hand, leading us to safety, leaving the past behind and looking ahead, one day at a time, until we reach glory with him, an eternal safe haven, a carefully crafted mama bird nest, with the most perfectly warmed placeholder for each one of us.

I am reminded, this Palm Sunday, of our opportunity to keep our eyes focused on today and the promise of who holds tomorrow.  Jesus endured far more hurt and pain than I, but he can relate to those naysayers, those hurt-filled words spoken by the enemy, those lies.  He walked, one day at a time and trusted God, each step, one by one, even to the cross.

God gave him what he needed, only as the time came for each need...even the courage to face death. Living in the now, allowed him to be ready to serve at a moment's notice too.  

The Message version of the Bible says it this way, taken from John 12:26-33:

"If any of you wants to serve me, then follow me. Then you'll be where I am, ready to serve at a moment's notice.  The father will honor and reward anyone who serves me.  

Right now I am storm-tossed.  And what am I going to say? "Father, put your glory on display."  

A voice came out of the sky: "I have glorified it, and I'll glorify it again." 

The listening crowd said, "Thunder!" 

Others said, "An angel spoke to him!"  

Jesus said, "The voice didn't come for me but for you.  At this moment the world is in crisis.  Now Satan, the ruler of this world, will be thrown out.  And I, as I am lifted up from the earth, will attract everyone to me and gather them around me." He put it this way to show how he was going to be put to death."

I love that this Scripture speaks of God speaking, and the thought of angels speaking too...

It takes hearing to listen to God.  It takes living in the "don't look back" to accept today for today, to be present enough to recognize God and his many "moment's notice" service opportunities.  

I am praying for the ability of my heart to listen to each little prompting of the Holy Spirit today and every day forward as I seek to trust, not looking back, thinking about the salt pillar silhouette of Lot's wife and how I can allow my salt to be sprinkled in the here and now, not wasted in the "don't look back".

Amen.

Baseball and Tea

Baseball and tea. Yup. Pretty much sums up my life with 2 boys and a girl.  ;)

What a delightful weekend we had!  The boys got out of school early on Friday and I surprised them! I love doing that and feel like they really were surprised this time!  I took them to the Durham Bulls Fan Fest at the Ballpark.  If you know anything about us Coles, you know that we love baseball.  Stan and I did not start out our married life as baseball fanatics, instead enjoying the game, keeping up with none of the major leagers and just catching a stat here or there from my grandfather...

But, then we had a 7 year old boy who seemed interested.  And that interest grew from a non-competitive league trial to a full blown love and placement on the "Kid Pitch" division of the South Durham Little League within two short years.

Landon lives baseball.  He would seriously play all year round if he could.  I know you parents of older boys are saying..."Just you wait, little miss...there will be opportunity..." He watches, he studies, he plays, he reads, he loves. And, because he is so invested in this sport, our family has also taken a dive into the deep.

You see, Landon has a lot of energy.  He has a will that will make a bull seem docile.  He is a fighter, a leader, a determined little firecracker.  One day, I am betting he will be a CEO somewhere...but, when he believes his time is now to be the CEO of our home...that.is.hard.to.parent.

I remember a few years back when our awesome youth pastor, Jeff, taught a Sunday School class on raising kids in our current culture, one he is again revisiting currently at our church (just an aside, you should check it out, either in person at 10:00 am or online at our website- you will not regret it).  He spoke three years about about helping kids to feel as though they belong.  This sense of belonging will help them to be called home, in a sense, when they begin to be tempted in this life.  The sense of belonging he recommended was a suggestion of having a team name, like "The Cole Family" and calling your family by name so that all members feel as though they are a part and they belong.  I clung to this and have instituted in our home.

To this young CEO, this member of "The Cole Family", baseball is his centering and it has become a Cole Family love.  It has been amazing to watch this little firecracker on and off the field.  He may argue with a brick wall at home (or better yet, his sister and his brother, and parents, who am I kidding) but everyone on our team loves to watch him play ball.  When we love what he loves and love it together, as a team, we all function together better.

Finding the love of one of your children is a true gift, especially when that love is a good thing.

Why does Landon love baseball?  For one, he has been gifted in that area.  He is using a gift that God gave to him.  In using his gift, he has found confidence in who God made him to be.  While he has struggled in some areas in school, and thus his confidence, discovering his gift of athleticism and particularly, baseball athleticism, has allowed him to grow in his confidence, that has in turn positively effected his school confidence and performance as well.

It is when we live into the gifts that God has given us...that we find confidence and peace...and are better able to face our challenges in this life.  God only gives good gifts...and imagine his pleasure when we use those good gifts for HIM! Imagine Him as your biggest cheerleader in your baseball of life...when He sees you loving and using the good gifts He gives...And...imagine the TEAM of faith that surrounds and supports you, anchoring you, awaiting your stepping out to the plate, taking that leap and hitting that home run...

Being on the Bulls ball field is actually quite the treat.  Gets that baseball energy and blood just pumping!!

We have a budding little softball player here, folks...she is ready to smash her first home run for sure!!

Connor is starting to play this year too!  Stan sent me a text message after watching him at his practice, saying, "Connor is an athlete."  You think this daddy is proud?

My mom came with us, which was an extra treat.  She got to be a part of the surprise of taking the kids to the ballpark and also the thrill of being on the field...heck, she even hit!!  I think she surprised a bunch of the menfolk who were out coaching.  She was, of course, channeling her mom, Lindsay Jane's namesake...who was quite a softball player!

Batter up!

Always time for a ballpark hot dog!

Quick post with Mommom at the end of our delightful afternoon. :)

Goofball.

And goofball x two...

What a gift it was to be able to share this day as our boys both start another season in the South Durham Little League, one of the very good things...we do as Team Cole.

Next stop...Mother Daughter Tea at the Carolina Inn!!

This little girl has my mama heart, for sure.  She is such a little gem, a ray of sunshine and a delight to be around.  Don't get me wrong...she is three.  I said, she is 3. Like a real live THREE year old. But, this ain't my first rodeo...and try as her little three year old will might, she can't match me...she hasn't got anything this mama hasn't seen.

Of course, this may change as she enters the adolescent years...and we will walk those together, also as Team Cole!

The event we attended was a benefit for an organization called, Girls on the Run of the Triangle.  A woman who I deeply respect and admire is their executive director.  I love what she stands for and I love what the organization stands for.  Their mission is "to inspire girls to be joyful, healthy and confident using a fun, experience-based curriculum while creatively integrates running."  There are 24 lessons the girls learn over a training for a culminating 5K run.  These lessons inspire girls to be independent thinkers, enhance their problem solving skills and make healthy decisions.

Most of you know that I run and deeply enjoy it.  I have my second half marathon coming up this Sunday.  Running, engaging with my dear friend who I run with and taking care of my body and mind in this way is something I really want to role model for my kids, especially my daughter.

Being at this tea was a gift.  I watched as my 3 year old left my side and gathered the autographs of each member of the UNC track and field team who had come to speak.  She spoke with them, she thanked them and she did this confidently.  She was probably the youngest little girl there, but she asserted her little self and proudly declared that she wanted to be an astronaut when she grew up, when asked.

She sipped her hot cocoa (because which 3 year old do you know that likes tea?) and her pink lemonade and delighted in fellowship with other girls as she ate scones, coconut cake and truffles. She clinked my glass, saying, "Cheers Mommy".  She hugged my neck when prompted by my friend, Juliellen, to give the person you came with the "best hug ever".  She heard as her mother and other mothers at our table affirmed their daughters for who they are and poured out the love of a mother, that tender, nurturing, one of a kind, love.  I believe she felt as though she belongs.

It was an extra special blessing to be able to go with Stacey and Baylie.  Stacey and I don't really get to spend as much time together as I would like as our worlds spin a bit differently now.  She, in Creedmoor, homeschooling her sweet 8 year old and balancing her part time job that requires travel, all while she is learning sign language and a very active member of her church...and me in Durham, working part time, shuffling three kids here, there and everywhere, while I also make time to dance with my husband and also remain very active in our church.  Sometimes, distance makes actually seeing such soul sisters difficult...but the bond we share in our Lord is one that knows no distance or time. He keeps us connected. Stacey is such an honest and affirming friend, one whom I feel speaks truth into my life as a mom and points me closer to God.  She is the kind of friend I am so thankful to have on my team. :)

How fitting our table was named, "Connectedness".

We had to stop to be a little silly...

Of course, sweet Baylie came along, who is like a little mama to my LJ.  Lindsay Jane loves her big sisters, one of whom is Baylie.  It was such a sweet time for just the two of them to be together in their own little relationship and world.

Look at my sweet girl's smile.  She feels like such a big girl with Baylie and just follows her around like a little duckling.  I love these sweet little girls who I have been able to watch grow up.  I am so grateful for such sweet role models already in Lindsay Jane's life.

Love these two!

Taking a pause in front of the Carolina Inn.

Being silly under the chandelier.

Beauties!

Pink lemonade in champagne glasses anyone???

Hot cocoa??

Sweet smiles!

Silly faces!!

More silly faces!

Sassy...

Loving the coconut cake!!

Cheers!!

No idea what LJ was saying, but each young lady she talked to was grinning from ear to ear.

She did not end up getting this last young lady's autograph and had to go back to make it right.  She was whispering something in her ear and this was the expression the girl gave after LJ said something funny, I am certain. Holding her own, I tell you.

And, showing off all of her autographs.

Thanks GOTR and thanks Durham Bulls for the positive opportunities you gave my family in the past week to spend quality time together!  Hope you all enjoyed.