Velveteen Mom

So I stole a part of that title from this blog - now that that is disclosed...I have been chewing on this post all week.

My boys, 2 and 4, are my delight. I love being their mom. Being a mom is really something I always dreamed of. I am so very thankful for the gift God has given me in both of them.

My boys, 2 and 4, are a lot of work.

As I reflected on the title "Velveteen Mom", I thought...that is so real.

Remind me of what Velveteen means?

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.

But the Skin Horse only smiled.

You want to know what struck me?

"That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept..."

How very often I feel like I break easily, have sharp edges and have to be carefully kept. This often will come in the form of...let me think...just trying to reflect and write this BLOG this morning. Yesterday I spent all day entertaining my boys with their friends and was "ON" from about 6:45 (because Stan let me "sleep in") until 12:00 (when Landon finally stopped getting up out of his bed). I felt like yesterday was fun for all, including me...

But this morning, I wanted to rest just a little bit in my OWN thoughts. Was that because I have to be "carefully kept?"

I sat at the table, coffee cup filled with perfect temperature coffee, both boys slept in this morning which automatically made for a more pleasant wake up time. Both boys with paint brushes in hand, Curious George on TV, had been fed and I believed I would be able to feed my soul, reading, "The Power of a Positive Mom" and having a devotional on that very book...

Well, if you are a mom, you know what is coming...

"I want another paper to paint", "I want cereal", screaming for a different color, I sneak to the restroom only to come back to the table to see the table cloth pulled off, broken water bowl shattered in the floor, markers everywhere and my now lukewarm coffee teetering on the edge of the table (along with my laptop).

Let's just say I was "sharp around the edges" at that point! I "broke easily".

Stan came downstairs and I asked my sweet husband for a retreat.

Here I am.

How can I be anything but real in my role as a mom?

I am broken, humbled by the lessons God has been teaching me since I became pregnant with Landon. That pregnancy that I prayed and prayed for was a scary time as I waited to find out if he would grow normally after finding an abnormality on his ultrasound.

The second time around we prayed and prayed for our Connor Douglas. What is beneath this mom who calls herself "mom of the year" jokingly when making fun treats with my kids and their friends. A mom who loves being a mom but it has not come easily.

We waited about the same amount of time for Connor as we did for Landon and were elated to find that we were pregnant after about 8 months of trying.

8 months? Some would say, that is not a big deal, esp. those who have tried longer and have had to resort to infertility treatments- some that have worked, some that have not. (I do not pretend to compare myself to those dear women.)

I am at month 11 now for trying for our third. Why do I write this publicly? Well, it is part of being real, it is part of my Velveteen mom story. 8 months x 2 for my first two, then add on 11 more months of waiting, grieving in my heart each month and keeping it to myself as I reflect and focus my gaze on the blessings God has given me.

It is hard to consider that I did "break easily, or was sharp around the edges" this morning when I am longing for another mess maker, patience tester, time taker... blessed refiner of the woman God is making me into daily.

So, am I real? I would say, yes in terms of my humanness, NO if I am comparing myself to the wise horse in the Velveteen rabbit story...I liken him to some of my heros and mentors in faith, I have a long way to go in that respect.

Does it hurt being real? Um yes.

Am I "Velveteen?" I would say, not yet.

Am I blessed? Most definitely.

Do I trust God's perfect timing? Most definitely.

Is it hard being real? You bet. But that. IS what God promised and his refinement of me into a "Velveteen mom" is the best gift I could hope for.

My Two Year Old

We had a wonderful weekend filled with celebrating my sweet Connor Douglas. It is so hard to believe that he is 2 years old. I can't believe we have been a family of 4 now for 2 years. Connor has brought so much to our lives. He is the most cuddly little guy with a very sweet and tender heart. He has quite a sense of humor. He has become his brother's best friend, he gives the best hugs and kisses and he is such a mommy's boy. He would rather me "Hold it" than anything else. I have tried to get him to say, "Hold me" but he continues to life those little arms up with his big brown eyes and say, "Hold it"....how can you deny that?

Here is Connor coloring as he awaits his party at Chick-fila. The guest of honor was hard to distinguish...Connor or the cow!

My Happy Birthday Boy!!

And his big brother!

Stacey, as always, our extra hands, holding sweet Isabelle as Ursula attended to Abigail.

Holt was able to come and bring Anna and JD. Anna is one week younger than Connor and our next door neighbor. Connor was very happy to see Anna.

Ursula, Abigail, Ryan and Atticus- some of our very special friends from our play group. So wonderful they came to celebrate my Connor!

Bailey and Sophia posing with the cow. I think these two may have been the most excited of anyone about the cow!

Connor, droopy eyed (he got a fever 45 minutes into the party...of course) with Erica and Jameson who drove all the way from Holly Springs to celebrate sweet Connor! Erica and I were great friends in college and have been able to reconnect lately with our two 2 year olds. If it weren't for Erica, there would be no pictures of this party! Thanks Erica!

Connor and Nanny sitting and talking with the cow. :)

Nanny getting sweet with the cow! :)

I love this boy.

Cupcake time!

NOW ON TO FAMILY TIME

Here are Connor and Zaiya gearing up for the party. I tell you, these two are a force to be reckoned with. Notice that Connor does not have pants on. This is how he prefers to roll these days. I have decided that if we are at home and he doesn't want to wear pants, that is fine...a true 2 year old!

Here is Connor's spread!

And his birthday cake from Aunt Moo-Moo. Isn't it adorable? Moo usually makes our kids' cakes, but is in school now on Saturdays while she works full time. She still wanted to be the cake lady despite me trying to give her a break. She is a special aunt to my boys, for sure!!

Here is Connor admiring his cake. He was so excited and it was precious as Landon helped him blow out his candles.

Connor blowing out his candles. I think we all got a little bit of his spit on each piece. Yum. It was adorable watching him try to get the candle out. I love being a mom.

A happy customer.

Both Grandmothers had to get a kiss in for the birthday boy who was way more interested in his cake...

A big smile at his gift from Tahti, Marc and Zaiya. They got him a microphone that he has been going around the house with singing in like it is his job!

Moo got him this adorable kitty cat that purrs, meows and moves. Connor has been taking this cat everywhere. He has a place for it to sleep, he tries to feed it real cat food, it has been to the park and ... today we found it in Landon's room...guess aunt Moo knows what to get Landon for Christmas!

And Uncle B...he had to make his own impression with a more boy oriented gift. I have to say Connor loves this talking Lightning McQueen and has been caught sticking various objects into its mouth as it talks...including my finger! Thanks Uncle B!

So sweet. Landon wanted to get Connor a piggy bank. Landon thought of this gift all by himself. He remembered that he had broken the piggy bank that Connor had and wanted to replace it. It was so precious.

And, mommy and daddy's gift...an easel for our little artist. He loves this (and so does his brother). Notice the monkey slippers from Nanny (also a fave) and the art supplies from Pop and Mommom.

I love this. What a precious time.

I cannot believe how BIG Landon looks in this picture. This is my favorite picture EVER with Landon and my dad.

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY PARTY???

Heather, Ryan, Emma, Reid and baby Herring came down to celebrate Connor's birthday which was particularly sweet since we had been to their house 3 months ago to celebrate Reid's 2nd birthday, also Thomas themed...

Heather and Ryan are the dearest couple. I am so delighted for them as they will welcome baby number 3 in February. Can't think of better parents are more deserving people for the happiness they have found together. Love you guys!

Connor and Reid eyeing that yummy cake!

Connor trying it out, and on!

My happy birthday boy. I love this little boy. I love everything he has brought to our lives. I love his sweet smile, his giggle, the way he rubs my face and says, "Mommy, ok?" He is just a blessing, a miracle, a gift. I am so very humbled to be his mother.

Happy 2nd Birthday my sweet sweet Connor Douglas.

What a Catch!

This past Sunday, Stan, Landon, Connor and I went out to the farm where Stan grew up to do some fishing with the boys. It was an awesome family time. Having my boys have a dad like Stan has been an amazing gift. It was also very touching as Stan learned to fish from his father. Landon even said at one point, "Daddy, Pappa taught me to fish too! We caught 100 fish down here together one day..." Not sure where that little fish tale came from. :)

Landon was quite the natural and cast his line out with little effort. Stan told him he was a natural and after Landon learned what that meant, he repeated it to Stan when he would cast. It was quite adorable hearing him say, "Daddy, you are a natural!!"

Here Stan is helping him reel in the fish Landon caught.

Checking it out.

And here is one that Stan caught- a nice sized bass. Look at Landon's smile. Pictures like these are one in a million. I am so proud to call Stan my husband and the father of my boys.

Now, Connor was also excited to be a part of the action. It took all of my energy to keep him from jumping into the water, so that was my job on Sunday. :)

Stan is helping Connor reel in his first fish.

Connor was watching with amazement!

Daddy proud moment again. This was actually the best one I got of Stan and Connor. Connor was not quite as sure of the whole holding the fish deal as Landon was...

What a wonderful memory and what a special time with my three boys. Though this life may throw all kinds of curve balls at us, days like this one will forever be etched in my memory as time very well spent.

Enjoy.

Topsail Island 2011

This year we made a late summer jaunt to Topsail Island with our dear friends, the Smiths. Boy did we have a blast!! Landon, Sophia, Emelia and Connor, out little "stairsteps" were quite the content little beach bums. And, the adult beach bums were quite pleased as well. Janise and I got lots of girl time complete with coffee in our new mugs, shopping, yummy wine and girl talk in lounge chairs as the waves crashed on our feet. Stan and Derek had time to catch up on their reading and "computering" and got to spend some quality beach time with the kiddos. There were so many good pictures, it was hard to choose which ones to put on here...so enjoy the selection, there are many more. Obviously, a great time was had by all.

See Stan manning all the kids...

See Stan sleep...still manning two of the kids...

Landon loved the ocean, as usual, but loved it even more while playing with his best buddies.

What a great shot of Janise and the girls!

We had such a great time sharing such a special time with each other and our families. What a blessed friendship!

The kids shoveling in the sand, working together quite well!

I love this picture of Derek and Emelia. They had such a great time watching the waves come in. Emelia was not scared of the ocean in the least. We all had to keep our eyes on that one!

Me and my baby. Connor was better this trip, not having to be on my hip the entire time. :) He frolicked in the sand and made good use of his time with his brother and his buddies.

Best Friends. What a pair these two are.

There was time for reading a few books.

A great shot of the Smith girls. I love these two little people!

And, look at these two handsome boys! I think this is one of our best photos of the two of them to date! They are such big buddies these days. One of the first things out of Landon's mouth when he wakes up is, "Mommy, I am so glad I have a brother." Makes my heart melt.

Great family shot!

And another!

And we had to sneak in the rare couple shot, since kids are the focus of our photo taking these days... What a sweet pair. :)

Me and my honey.

Me and my Connor enjoying patting the water.

Me and my boys. How blessed am I!!

The kids waiting for the waves.

And, finally our last night...a trip to get dairy queen. Let's just say, Yummy!

We'll be back Topsail! What a gift to have such a special time with our friends.

Enjoy!